Our loss

We took a walk today afternoon with my son to get some fresh air amids a working and home schooling. My son wants to discuss about death. He wants to know what happens after a person dies. Our family has so far been saved from loss, god bless us. I wonder were his questions come from. He is intreaged with the concept of soul going to heaven and body being only the shell of a person passing away and being buried. A few hours later, we have had dinner and all four children are dancing in the living room. The door bell rings, it is a neighbour with her little girl picking up a lost ear ring. I hear my husband greet her at the door. Suddenly, I realize they are all screaming. Kids run outside. "The fox!!!" they are yelling. We all run outside and have to witness the unimaginable horror I would have never hoped my children had to witness: we find our dearly beloved pet rabbits dead. The fox had accessed the protected area and followed his instinct of a predator. I feel terrible, empty sadness. We are all crying. My husband brings Toffee inside, she is still alive. We call the veterinary. As my husband discusses with the doctor, I kneel down next to Toffee. Our favorite little rabbit, so beautiful and intelligent one with an incredible memory. I stroke her white soft fur gently, she has eyes open and she looks peaceful. I pray to bless her and not having to suffer. As I pray for her, she passess away. My husband burries both of them in our garden. We go outside with the kids and send them away with prayers. We thank them for having joined our family for two years and for the joy they brought to all of us. My son waives in the sky, in heaven, and claims he saw Toffee wink him back. In the evening it is difficult to calm down, for all of us. We talk about death, about the goodness of heaven and try to visualise Choco and Toffee happily eating carrots and playing in there. We talk about the fox too. It is not bad, although difficult to accept,but part of the cruelty of nature. My eldest daughter believes the immense sadness we feel at the moment, will be compensated with as huge amount of happiness, because there is balance in the universe. I am utterly impressed by her wisdom at this difficult moment. At the height of her 11 years, she has been the main guardian of the rabbits and most attached to them. I feel so sorry for her loss. I wish I could have protected her. I don't know why this happened and if it had to happen, why in this most cruel way. Why could it not have happened while we were away, or at least when the kids were at school. We could have prepared them for the loss. Now, they had to see it in their own eyes, witness the panic, our uncontrolled emotions of the moment, all the brutality. I told my children we are all allowed to take time to mourn. They can talk about it whenever, write about their feelings or draw about their emotions. I promise them everyday the pain will fade away a bit. I assure them we will get through this together and they will become stronger. Rest in peace Choco and Toffee. "You will alway stay in our hearts", as my son beautifully stated.

Christmas 2021 preparations

Milestone achieved! After a week of painting between work meetings, household cores and family activities, the final obstacles remaining between regaining the privacy of our bedroom had disappeared: Our youngest princess could finally move to her “own” room. She was as thrilled as we were with my husband. With our four kids, we had hold tight to the rule of 2,5 years to weane our babies from the symbioses life with us (mostly me) and move out from our bed room. It seemed to coincide well with the other big step of independence - starting the pre-school. All our kids were genuinely happy about this grand event. Unfortunately the move of our youngest was delayed due to the house renovation and now, at the height of 3,5 years she was more than mature to get on! The whole weekend, she was playing alone in her room, with baby dolls and doll house. She was singing and using new words such as “Africa” for the first time. She slept the night through (so did we!) and seemed so much calmer than the girl we’ve come to know in the past 12 months. Perhaps the tantrums were partly also a cry for some space! In this happy context, we also started the Christmas season with decorating the Christmas tree, making and decorating ginger bread houses. The St. Nicolas had visited school on Friday and again the scouts day. Questions were asked about his relationship to Santa Claus and wheather both can visit..The children were so happy! We all look forward to the approaching Christmas up North with the grand parents. We check daily, whether there is snow (yes, plenty), how cold it is (very, -26 c this weekend) and if we can cross-county ski (hopefully yes!).My son was worried how he can breathe, if there is "1m snow". The big sisters assured the roads are likely maintained While the pandemie is still raging, and social rules have again tightened, schools are taking in hybrid mode for the secondary and primary classes are likely to follow, I just pray from the bottom of my hard our holidays will be safe.

Happy Halloween at Home!

We had to face it - we absolutely HAD to finish the what seemed a never-ending mountain of renovation works in and outside our home. The girls' rooms upstairs, a project which started over two years ago! was finally finished last week - works validated and architecture paid. However, looking outside to what was once our cute green garden was now a sad muddy construction site crying to be finished and made beautiful again. Not to mention our bathroom, which was naked waiting to be re-tiled and furnished, our entry hall needing a fix as well as staircase thirsty of a fresh cover of paint. So. We decided to stay at home, funnel our energy and holiday budget aiming at 1) furnishing the girls rooms so they can move in 2) progress as much as possible with all the rest. I did not even sign up the kids to any camps, but would literally entertain them for 9 days! I didn't realize at that point I would be doing it alone, as my husband literally disappeared some days before dawn, came by to have lunch and next we saw him at the dinner table. Sadly, I couldn't even be jealous at him (silence/piece of mind/workout/fresh air/sense of achievement/end of day endorfins) given the crappy cold rainy wheather outside. We are now 6 days into our vacation at home and I am COMPLETELY in love with my kids. And we have achieved a lot! And we have fought a lot too We started off with a wicked family private Halloween party on last Friday. I had my final stage job interview at lunch and I literally swiched from the smart business into a bloody witch and started cooking horror food. The whole family dressed up and I was especially impressed by Eva's own face creation I named "black lady" We didn't go trick and treat though, as it was raining cats and dogs outside. Kids didn't complain and I had a tired bunch of cute witches to put in bed in the evening anyways. On Saturday, I kept my word and we did a bit shopping: the kids got their winter coats from Zara and we stopped at Crea for some crafts, they were so happy! In the evening I was tired, but decided to place the big IKEA order for the girls rooms. Not the wisest decision to make and I spend quite a fair part of the following week trying to correct the wrong delivery address encoded on their website..grrrr. I also found a good second hand deal on 3 -piece bedroom furniture for my eldest baby girl. Looked promising! But oh boy, does carrying and building two rooms of furniture take time and patience. To change the spirits, on Monday we left town to a favorite of our family - Accrobrance tree climbing park! We had so much fun! Tuesday we went with the girls to IKEA (I know, again) to get them the decor -curtains, lamps, carpets, plants. It was so nice to do this together, a sense of bonding while creating together beautiful spaces for both of them, thinking carefully each girls' tastes and personalities. We are all very pleased with the results. Obviously, with all the talk around the girls'rooms, I had to ensure my little ones did not feel left out either. Especially my baby girl being down with ear infaction, poor princess. So we build lego. Lots of it. We baked biscuits. We went to the play ground. I took my son for an evening race in the stadium to take time of his laps. We went all to the favorite parc for a walk in the next village. They got the "juices" from the store down the street. Today we sewed dragons. It has been really, really nice together. I love to see my kids thriving. My girls are in bliss in their new rooms, yesterday they were moving their clothes and books and both had the biggest smiles on their faces. The first night in the new rooms had been exciting and "little scary". As I was cleaning the rooms, with the change of little habitants, the transition also made me sad. It marked a milestone, a sign of time passing and my babies growing. God thank you they are not yet moving from home! My emotions are on the surface, as I am transitioning at the moment as well, changing jobs after 10 years in the same institution is important and does trigger feelings. And that's why I re-assure myself as a good friend would by telling change is good. It makes us feel we are alivemand we evolve. Thank you Universe for everything I am priviledged to experience.

Love letter to my girl

Dear Eva, This morning as I wake up the house is silent. I listen to your breathing and the moist sound that your thumb makes as you are sucking it since you were in my belly. Curiously, you were self-sufficient to sooth yourself from your very beginnings. I know the past 18 months have not been easy for you. From your heights of 3 and half years, you have grown-up half of it under the restrictions of the pandemie. We have not been able to attend the baby-mom yoga classes together, or go to the puppet theatre "Ratinet" or the toddler music class, as with your siblings. You have't had a chance to get familier with strangers around you either, which is probably the reason you seek such an attention, when I try to hold a conversation away from you. Despite all this, you have grown such a strong and determined little girl. Your angel curls and innocent baby smile hide perfectly behind your firery nature. And we all have days we don't know what to do with your tantrums, and there are days even weekends like the one we are just finishing, when you give just the most adorable sides of you. Yesterday morning started as a perfect fall day: fresh and sunny, with autumn already in the light. Your siblings had a full program for the weekend with hockey matches, birthdays, sleepovers and scout day all-day today. I decided this will be also Eva's weekend. So yesterday morning, I completed your dream and took you swimming (and the big girls were allowed to join us). Who cares if the baby pool was closed, we had fun! I searched the "frit" and board for you and you swam several laps practicing kicking. Well done Eva! And you absolutely loved jumping from the border to mommies arms and even slide the big toboggan! Such great fun, for both of us! After the sieste in (mom's bed), we went to the playground and yes, you got a bottled orange juice from the store down the hill. What was the result of such a wonderful day spent together? A PRINCESS was born! Litterally speaking, you found all the princess accessories from the cupboards: the Elsa -dress, the silver shoes and even rabiit ears as you made a remark the tiara is missing..and you wanted to sleep with the gear over night (non you were not allowed). And we met you in breakfast table with the same uniform the next day. In addition to this big news, something huge happened. As Estelle was sleeping over at a friends house, you moved to sleep with Elias on their room for the first time in your little life. And it went perfectly! "Je suis une grande fille" we heard you say sweet little princess. Please don't grow too fast Eva. These are moments to cherish. Today, when we went for a walk only three of us with dad and yourself outside Brussels, we realized it was probably the first time that you had us all to yourself! You absolutely loved it! We saw a happy, smiling and funny girl, who did not complain or cry..Amazing Eva, and I really get you, it's not easy to be the 4th, having to share everything all the time. Well, this weekend was all yours and mommy's heart is still swallen from the love and gratefulness I saw in you eyes of this special times together, with only you, unique you❤ We love you more than words can describe little princess!

Summer 2021

September and school having started, I look back to the past two months with the taste of Southern warmth, Northern cooleness, family reunion and a great deal of nostalgie. The slight feeling of sadness as we close the summer season I have felt every year since some years. I feel there is so much of life, adventure, and unique shared experiences compressed into such a short period of time. I feel the children grow exponentially during our holidays, in all levels, as they discover the world in our travels (Diving and learning about sea urchins, medusas and other exotic sea creatures), learning new things (my 6 yo. son can now buy bread in Greek and my 3-year old learned to hold breath under water and scubadive!) and even go through challenges with us (how to get organised after car breaking down on a German highway early on our roadtrip to North). We move yet one step closer to them growing-up and leaving the nest! In honesty, they are all still young (3-11yo), which I thank every day The highlight of this summer was without a doubt meeting again our family in Estonia and Finland. We hadn't seen our parents, sisters, brothers and their families for over two years! During the time apart, my youngest grew-up from a baby to a little girl..A lot happened during the pandemie in both parts of Europe and it is difficult to even start catching-up during such a short visit. For me, the most important was to see my family in good health and happy; spending time together, sharing a meal or having an evening tea together. The sheer presence of all of us togehter was both grounding and energising. After 20 years abroad, being "home" in my native neighbourhoods simply makes me feel good. I am so pleased to see my children share this feeling, spending time in the calmness and nature, a break from the frenetic everyday city-life of ours. Despite the adversaries we encountered during this summer, it definitely stays in our minds and hearts as a summer of reunion. Blessings to all my extented family, in both sides of the Baltic sea. We miss you greatly!

Sea, sand, sieasta and that’s enough!

We are on our 6th day of our Greek summer adventure, in a tiny little community in the Northern part of the country, by the beautiful green Aigean sea. I am sitting in a rocking chair, looking into the darkness of the pine tree forest facing our old white 2 -storey stone house. The air is filled with the zigate singing and a wonderful cool breeze from the sea. We would never have found our way to this hidden corner of Europe without our Greek friends and their "connections". The house we are staying is not a habitual airbnb deal, but a family affair especially searched and found for our family of which we are ever grateful. Our Greek hosts, the daughter and grand-daughter of a friend of my friends husband's grandmother😊 were welcoming us at the airport and drove us to the village. It is such a lovely, low-key hidden family gem one could only dream of. The crowds are limited to local families across generations, clearly this place has a history going past decades. The beach hosts one hotel and restaurant, second home to my Greek friend. For us, the days are following a new holiday routine, kids waking-up late, slow breakfast, long morning swim, even longer sieste, snack at the terrace and another run to the sea for an evening swim. For the first time in the history of holidays, I have not already started an exercise routine, apart from walking to the beach, swimming and walking back. I tell myself it is my body and mind de-compressing slower than usual into holiday mode. Perhaps a yoga session tomorrow morning? If I wake-up on time..

Congratulations!

Congratulations my eldest E for finishing the primary school! Congratulations my middle E for finishing second primary! Congratulations my other middle E for having finished pre-school or the French maternelle! Finally, congratulations my mini E, for having started the pre-school! I love this period of the year, full of celebrations, birthdays, farewell parties. The air is filled with nostalgie for the past school year, and anticipation for the long summer holidays. Preparations started already few weeks ago, shelves full of gifts for friends, birthday girls/boys, school and music teachers. This year, the shopping took another level with three sets of school books to order and four lists of very specific school materials to order. I have to admit I spend a few thousand euros to complete all the book and material lists, sniif. No further comment on that. Back to this weekend, Friday was the last school day, and it was heart-warming to see my eldest with her friends, white roses on their hands running from the school yard. The parents had to stay out of all the ceremonies, given that the covid-19 is still present everywhere. It was quite disappointing. And yet, I was secretely relieved as knowing myself it would have been extensively emotional moment to live the primary school ending with my daughter. So we followed our own ceremonies, respecting our traditions, we drove to Capoue, our favorite ice cream parlour, for a treat, all of us. We picked-up even dad from coordinating between the workers at home, to leave the projects for a moment and join us for this unique moment. The ice cream was delicious and yes, against all the odds, tiny Estelle managed to finish her giant crepe-apple pie-ice cream dessert this year as well! The next day, I had organized a surprise with my kids best friends and we all drove to the Ardennes for tree climbing. There was an animal parc next to it and, although we were in a rush and did not get to discover it this time (had to get back to Brussels to let a next workers team in!) we all absolutely loved the tree parc and will come back here for sure! We drove back to Brussels accompanied with an impressive rain and lightning, but with a small dry window our workers managed to get the heat pump up to the girls new rooms just on time before the sky was pouring again, ouf! With my husband, the long day was rewarded, as I had booked a babysitter and a table at our favorite restaurant close by. What a nice finish to the day, just the two of us and a glass of wine. Sunday, long waited Sunday. Our son's "fake birthday", as he called it. And it actually was. For the first time we wanted him to celebrate his birthday with friends and class mates, as we were always on holidays abroad on his actual big day. Oh boy, the whole family was involved. I had made double-sure that there would be friends coming, as the holidays had indeed started, and sent the invites around and about quite loosely. And of course majority of the kids showed up! So we had 10 little heads popping in, one after the other, from the rainy front yard. Fortunately, we were geared up, girls helping out ensuring everybody washed their hands, knew were the toilet was, my husband being the master game organizer.Everything went just greatly! The rain stopped and we managed to go outside and even hunt the treasors. I was super pleased I had found a red chocolate Cars Flash McQueen cake, which I absolutely would not have found time to bake yesterday evening. Only my husband and I actually liked it. Brithday boy was more than happy with the party and gifts, and so were the rest of us. The spring rush is now OVER, let the holiday season step in!!!

I MADE IT!!!!!!!!

I had visualised the moment of arrival of the automatic message on my email annoucing the results are available on my personal EPSO account, how I would resist the urge to consult these news I have been waiting for the past two (8!) years. I had spent evenings visualizing my name on the reserve list and internalised the feeling of success. Did it happen this way? I was just about to step out of the door to pick-up the little ones when the message arrived. Did I wait for the calm evening moment to receive the news? Of course not, my body reacted and opened the message and soon I had the phrase in front of me: "We are pleased to inform you that you have been placed at the reserve list". The joy comes out with tears and laughter and my husband and girls look at me with amazement. Soon they understand what is happening and we hug to each others arms! The years of preparation has been a joint effort, a huge one, and the success is of all of ours! I cannot beleive the moment arrived! The bubbly warm energy is swelling inside me and pouring out without control. The feeling is equal to my wedding day and the births of each of my child. It is not difficult at all to describe. It is feeling light, joy, bubbless and bliss. I share the news with my parents and family, with friends and my mentors. I receive so many genuine congratulations it makes me feel incredibly blessed. If somebody asks what does it take to pass open EU competitions, where candidates from all memberstates can attend, I have three immeadiate answers: 1. Faith with a bit of craziness to dream big and believe one can be among the 2,2% who passed this particular competition 2. Perseverance. You have to prepare a plan and study through the critical hours. Every day. 3. Little bit of luck. Without the pandemie, I would not have had the circumstances, next to work and family to prepare. I am also quite sure the suspension of the competition for 1 more year and the new virtual test format worked for my benefit. Having said all this, the first idea that comes to my mind is, I should share my knowledge and experience and help others reach their dreams. The first audience is obviously my children, I want to be the role model for them to dream big, work hard and make it happen! All my dreams have come true. That is an amazing feeling to have. The future looks hopeful with new opportunities arizing. I want to swell in this moment and share the good vibes with all my surroundings. Most importantly, I want to thank my parents for their upbringing, of believing in me and for their unconditional love. My husband for his support, encouragement and deep love during this journey, and my four little stars who were the most important source of motivation to reach this goal of which the results we will all get to enjoy. Sincere, humble gratefulness to the universal intelligence that manifests all of the wonders we are blessed with.

Birthday bliss

What a wonderful weekend my loved ones arranged for me to celebrate my birthday! Saturday at the seaside enjoying the first sunny and warm spring day, building sand castles, eating icescream and admiring both the beauty of the natural reserve, as well as the close-by luxorius villas. It is always a debate, weather the 3h a day is worth it, but at the end of the day it always turns out to be. We ended the day sipping a glass of cava at a relaxed lounge bar while kids were playing at the playground. These moments really fill and stay in my heart❤ My birthday started with a toilet session with my toddler, but fortunately I just made it back to bed eyes closed, before the door opened with the birthday ceremonies, a happy birthday song, group hugs and a mountain of presents! They are SO CUTE my bunch of smaller and bigger babies!!Of course, by group pressure, I had to start opening my gifts from the Neuhouse chocolate box and share a tour with each little party goer. My 8 and 11 year old girls had picked me two sweet pink bottles from Rituals described as "crackling shower gel sensation" and something else that resembled 1st of May celebration foam flying around my shower cabine when on test drive. They smelled as sweet as my little girls. (In parenthesis, I learned these two angels had managed to bargain a tube of mascara each from dad during the shopping fare, sneaky ones.) I also got a portable coffee thermos, that resembled a huge camera zoom "to the photographer of life", as well as a XL size tea cup, which stated in French: Avant mon cafe du matin, je suis a) gentille b) fresch c) de bonne humour d) ta gueule. The last one was selected. The kids looked worried about my expression, as I actually am a morning person always greeting them with a cheery smile, hug and good morning breakfast served. Apparently it was the only mug in store. The fabulous moms was sold-out To compensate the lazy Saturday strolling, today was the sporty day. We packed the car again, 5 bikes up and headed towards the Lakes (Lac de l'eau de l'heure) an hour away. It was so refreshing again o change the scenery from the city dust. We arrived at noon to this holiday district with every possible water sport activity available . The biking trail was beautiful,by the lake side waterfront. No crowds, just the nature and shimmering lake. The whole family enjoyed greatly and 20 Km went flying. Definitely worth a return visit!
To finish the day a glass of cava and Roland Garros, as a new tennis enthousiast I am. Thank you my loved ones for being in my life. Happy and grateful mama.

The little moments that make my life magic

I wish to seize these daily moments, which could go so easily unnotices, forever and forever: Picking-up and blowing dandelion seeds with my toddler. Listening my pre-teen detailed presentation of every dog race we encounter in our walks to the park. Accepting a trade to playing sudoku in the evening with my girly to evening story. Walking street borders hand in hand with my baby. Listening to the incredible enthousiasm and expression of my 5-year old on his recently built lego car. Helping my crafter sew a doll. Or prepare an origami. Or a miniature house. Baking Finnish cinnamon rolls with my girls making a mess of my kitchen. Bringing my little ones to the pre-school next door. Greeting our friend neighbours on our way. Dreaming of secondary school with my pre-teen. Dreaming of the end of building works and decorations of the rooms for my girls. Blowing on the bobos to make them go away and seeing them heal every time. Giving the 10th hug & kisses to little ones way past the sleeping time. Giving them "halipuli" in the evening, meaning the HUGE cuddling battle on our bed. Preparing the picknick and lunch to 4 boxes every morning. Playing tennis with my daughters and son, despite we spend way more time picking up balls than playing. Eating a family sushi on Wednesdays. Witnessing the joy of kids taking delivery mans' parcels and opening them. If only the thrill on each of their face could be captured! Doing the round on each room in the evening, spending a little special moment with each of them, to wrap-up the days big moments and concerns. Helping them do their homework. Rehearsing for exams. Sharing the success of exam well done. Bathing my baby girl, still fitting in the baby bath. Taking the measure of them on our kitcher pillar and admiring how much they've grown. watching together baby photos and telling them stories from their babyhood. Sitting down in the afternoon ans holding an art session - evrybody is on their crayons. Reading to my toddler and drifting to a sweet gentle restorative afternoon nap next to her. Singing Finnish childrens songs with her and witnessing her trying to imitate the oh-so-complicated-and-long words. Taking my son to his twice-weekly session at the logopede, whom he loves. Having together a family Friday movie&chips evening. Going for a run with my pre-teen and enjoying together the post-run glow while streching in the backyard. Receiving mother's days singing, hugs and heart-brakingly-adorable self-crafted gifts, which become all priceless to me. I will stop here for now, while knowing clearly: I am the luckiest girl on earth and I love every bit and piece of my life! Thank you universe for all these little blessings you have send to enlighten my each and every day. Moments with them are more precious than anything I can imagine and I truly will cherish them until days end.

From the shadows emerges love

I feel a sudden burst of unconditional love vibrating from my heart in this golden sun-lit Friday, while leaving behind an extremely busy week of work, children's school work, extracullicular activities, birthdays to remember, on-going renovation works, the meal and housekeeping cores and on the top of that some other unexpected clutter, which fills our busy days, minds and keeps us - from my perspective - in an almost 24h operational mode. We have been pushing on with my husband through the pandemic like work horses, not opposing nor resisting, with the ever-optimistic hope there will be a moment of recompensation or rest at one point. I believe in a universal balance, of tough periods in life being followed by more sereine times. Having left behind the competition preparation just a week ago, we have had hardly a moment to breath when we got bad news yesterday needing an important amount of work from both of us. I told my husband I felt unfair, the "sereine period" was a way too short to be able to nourish us sufficiantly to face the next challenges. And there, from these deep feelings of being abandoned in our daily struggles just yesterday, I am alerted today to this extreme intense feelings of gratitude, towards my children and husband, towards all that surrounds us: being healthy, having each other, our beautiful house and surroundings. I feel an urge to write a love letter, to each and everyone, hence this post today.

EU craze

I recall precisely the moment that the notion of European union institutions and Brussels swirreled through my consciousness: June 2002, plage de voilier, Nice Cote d'Azur. I have just stepped down from Promenade des Anglais and heading with my Finnish trainee friends towards the crowds - looks like a beach party! A group of young universitaires approach us and proudly offer us their 1 euro budget "shampagne". We accept gladly. An extremely tanned young man with bright blue eyes appraches me with a smile. He smells a bit like the bottle he is carrying. Next, before I take a breath, he starts an enthousiastic presentation of himself with an exceptional speed and charming accent in his Finnish. The speech takes a tad longer than perhaps is appropriate, but I am mesmeraised by its impressiveness - wow! a traineeship at one of the EU institutions in Brussels!In an EU institution! I was hooked, I wanted to know more. 19 years later, Friday evening, I sit comfortably in the sofa, holding a glass of red vintage Bordeaux. My kids are upstairs, supposingly turning in. The tanned young man enjoying his sauna. I am celebrating my future success. I have yesterday completed the 3rd phase of an open eu competition, a process that started more than 2 years ago, or, in all honesty, 19 years ago. Many times, I have wished I would have never heard of Brussels. Life would definitely have been much more sereine in a smaller setting than in this driven business hub with probably the highest concentration of the european careerists. Without a doubt, life in Brussels is tough. For me, twenties went by studying and trying to find your spot with no connections, thirties working and raising a family with no network. It just shows the level of priviledged surroundings I come from, but it came as a complete shock the amount of work hours one has to put in to get by. SO, after years of systematic and disciplined (audit terminology!) training, attendance to numerous trainings and coachings, having carried books to most of our holidays in the past two years and studied hundrads of hours - here I am ready to turn a page. I am done. Regardless of the outcome. I am proud of myself, but I wish badly it was year 2004. God bless me.

When everything stops for a moment

In recent years, perhaps thanks to regular meditation and yoga practice, I have come to enjoy my intuitive capability: thinking of a long-forgotten friend in the morning and picking up the phone just to find a message from her or attracting certain situations and events to materialise. It is greatly entertaining for me, while keeping in surface the playfulness and gratefulness of this wonderful gift. As with everything else in this universe, opposits exist, yin and yan, masculine and feminine, light and shadow. So it is with the intuition, along with positive energies, I sense threats, tension and unexplanable terror at times. This morning, my family followed an exceptional schedule. My husband had to leave early to drive to Southern part of the country and therefore we all had to wake up earlier, kids to prepare for school and bus. It has been raining and extremely windy since yesterday and I disliked the idea of my husband leaving at these wheather conditions. At lunch I receive a message from my mother from 2000 km away "my leading star has corona" she writes in her post with pictures of her Mercedes frozen in the snow (-20 C). The car is covered with plankets and plugged to a heating fan. The picture makes me smile, as it illustrates so well the persistance of my mother when faced with adversity. She is angry as she was planning to drive the 450 km home and there was a snow storm arriving later in the afternoon. I observe the similarities in the stubborness of my two loved ones, one facing snow, the other in storm.I want to send her a message to stay overnight at the chalet, while knowing it is probably useless. I feel anxious the whole morning and have difficulties to concentrate at work. My thoughts go on the roads. At lunch, I am relieved to hear my husband drive in from the front gate. It had been a tough drive. In the afternoon I glance at my phone to have updates from my mom. There are none, but from my sister. There had been an accident, my mom was in the ambulance on her way to the hospital. My breath stops, I cannot believe it happened. At once, while being immensily relieved that she is alive, I feel suddenly upset at her going against the stream, not following universe's signs, not following her intuition. I send prayers and blessings to her that she will be safe. I love you mom.

Lakshmi energy

Traditionally, during this time of the year I have three birthday boys and girls to celebrate translating into organising multiple birthday parties within 9 days to include all VIP crowds. We all love it, the planning, selecting the party theme, choosing the invitees etc. After the year-end celebrations sufficiently behind, we seem to be seeking again the positive energy and beauty of sharing, giving and receiving. I was a concerned how this years celebration will turn out, how would my soon 11 and 8 year old babies accept a simplified version of partying, giving that the covid restrictions are still full on and organizing group gatherings are out of question. We sat donwn one afternoon and I casually brought up the subject of birthday, proposing them to invite their best friend from class to an afternoon of games and cake, and held my breath. I was expecting tears or other signs of disappointment. What are the odds! The capacity and speed of adaptation of my youth to these new restrected circumstances left me speechless! "Oh, that is a great idea Mom, it will be so much fun!! Thank you!" Sigh and relief. There I was, living a moment of truth realizing and learning from my children in a very concrete and wonderful way, of stop living from the past and refraining the mind to now, just this moment only. We had an amazingly fun afternoon, ate lots of cake, danced along Just Dance and played magic games. Simple, yet abundant. Om shreem maha lakshmiyei namaha.

Re-connecting with the essential

I did not tell this before, but the house we are renting is full of symbols and -to me- messages to be taken home. The name of the house, Villa Zen along with the smiling buddha on the front yard welcoming visitors are just the entrée. On the first day, I noticed a small card board with sanscrit text and a graphic symbol in an unusual place, hardly visible on the kitchen corner, behind a cupboard. In the evening, I translated the sanscrit and it turned out to be a mantra to call for prosperity and wealth. I discover there is a whole parallell divine world available to us I had forgotten of! Ten forms of gods or planets, who can be called upon, through these mantras, in case of earthly needs or sorrows: for a broken heart, have faith in oneself and spiritual path, staying truthful to ones values, keeping a calm mind, protecting from all evil and so forth. We determined, there must be ten mantras hidden in this house, and, surely, in our holiday mood, started the card hunt with the kids. As it turned out, we did find them! Behind curtains on ceiling level, behind vases and pictures, on uncommon places such as the wardrope! Clearly, the family living in this house has created an energy field shielding them. I felt puzzled why would the family want to rent out such a wonderful house. My children have been enjoying the many expensive toys left here to play, have read the beautifully written English shortstories by the two children living in this house and admired their drawings, playing at their pool or danced with the ballet bar. My heart sunk, as I discovered the owners are going through a billion dollar divorce, the mother seeking to protect her children, risking at loosing possibly all earthly belongings. I fear sharing this house has not been by choice. I bless them dearly and pray for their protection and good fortune. I ask what witnessing all this triggered in me? Having been initially blinded by the beauty and wealthiness so abondant everywhere here, there is always the dark side to light, the complications, broken families and sorrow. Having 2020 behind me, as the best of years in terms of spending time together and being close to my family and loved ones, I feel all the more gratefule for what I have. There is no value to put on unconditional love, respect and sharing of the everyday life ups and downs of parenting, and yet find your partner next to you, every morning.