The unpredictable future

I gave birth to our youngest daughter in the early hours of April 2018. The previous night had been long with a few complications during the birth. I cannot quite believe I actually hold my little girl in my arms. The epidural is wearing off and I am distracting myself by watching the Finnish news while giving the baby her feed. 

A Dutch professor claims we have 25 years to find a concrete solution to manage the global plastic problem or it is "too late" - we will enter what is called "irreversible" stage of climate change. I look at little Eva and wonder what kind of world will she be inheriting.

I read about AI and personal computers with 'consciousness' being developed in the next 25 to 50 years. According to experts AI development will develop exponentially, it is happening as we speak. The first trials of introducing robots in the Finnish education system. Students introduced meet humanoid robot Elias. Teacher is thrilled. So  far she has been able to contribute to Eliase's content programming. Students are amused and impressed of his language skills. They find it brings variety to the teaching vs. reading from books. Apparently it also follows orders more easily than the teacher - not for long. How about compared to the teacher's teaching?

In the waves of MeToo phenomenon magazines are full of women empowering articles. Feminist movement is thriving. How would women leaders change the game? Equipped with less competitiveness and ego-centrism, and more compassion and inclusiveness? More ethical decisions putting the society in front of personal gains. It can't go wrong.

I read about Tesla's goal to make space travel main stream and start a new civilization in the space. Some consider him crazy, some futuristic, anyways visionary. I think about my 5 year old at home. She is intrigued by space, has been asking daily about when are we going to "fly to the paradise"? The rational me of course thought she meant our last holiday destination. She looks at me with bright blue eyes and partly frustrated at my silly comment replies: "no mom, fly to the other planets of course!" Some days ago she described me in detail the 'flying suit' she had just  developed to be able to fly. I am speechless. I sense our kids are much more in tune with the future. I am more concerned if we parents are adapting to the change quickly enough, making the right choices for our children as for education to keep up with the industrial revolution and most importantly, the attitude, skills and strategies to thrive in the unpredictable future. 

The nurse comes in and I expect her to come empathize with me the labor and how we have managed the first hours together with the baby. Instead, she asks me if I have heard about 'early return to home', this means the next day. I am speechless.  I had prepared to have a few more nights of sleep before returning home to look after the rest of the family. With my previous births I had stayed 4-5 nights at the hospital. I receive a long look from the nurse, this is obviously not an option. Thank you goes to the piece of Belgian legislation introduced in 2015 reducing days of hospitalization first from 4-3 days into 2 days in 2016. Times have changed.  

Easter

Week 39 started. All kids are on Easter holidays expanding over three weeks due to different school systems, hallelujah. How did we get organised?  Eldest one preferred to have first week of holiday at home with mom. Fare enough before the arrival of the new baby. Despite the terrible weather, we had great time doing arts, going for walks and reading together lots. Second week both older girls are at a close by camps: music and circus! They both love it and come home full of positive energy and stories of new friends, end of week shows etc. As usual,  I get detailed instructions on what to pack for lunch, so far I have completed the task with success. I am relieved and happy. And my little boy takes the full advantage of being at home with me requiring 100% attention and not taking naps in the afternoon. He has proven to be quite inventive - finding keys to open the gate, climbing on trash cans to get candies, sugar, cookies.. stealing older sisters' treasures and keys to locked cupboards while forgetting to go to toilet on time :D I try to remind myself of the exclusivity of this precious time and put aside my remaining to-do lists, competition preparations, garden planning..
Fortunately the medical check today went very well and our baby is doing well. To celebrate the good news I already packed my labor CD: all three children have been born along the waves of Autumn in Seattle compilation - my rare (only) lucky amulet. Baby girl you are welcome to join us!

Between sisters

The persistent spring flue still lingering around, it has been such delight to witness my two girls discussions this week..

From gay marriages to Oedipus complex

- 5-year old: "You know, I really love my friend Terka. I think I will marry her."
- 8 -year old: "Oh no, you two can't get married!"
- 5-year old: "Why not??"
- 8-year old: "Two girls can't get married"
- 5 -year old: "Says who? I will!"
- 8-year old: "Well, anyways you wouldn't be able to have babies.."
- 5-year old (reflecting in silence)
Later the same day
- 5-year old: "Daddy, I love you so much. I think I will marry you."


Beaches and Peaches 

- 8 year old: "Mom, what does Beach mean?"
- "It means "ranta" in English honey.
- 8 - year old (not looking convinced): "Why would the boy talk to me about beaches.."
- "Maybe he meant "peaches", which means "persikka". It depends on the context, explain the situation"
My husband now raises his eye browns and gazes at me meaningfully, but I am oblivious.
- 8 - year old: "Well, he pushed me at school at the door way and yelled "Oh you B*ch".
-"***"
-8 - year old continues: "But Emma said the same thing, it probably means Beaches or Peaches.."

Looking in the past

Reading my old blog posts is a fascinating experience, even a therapeutic one. You meet your (younger) self again. Some posts make you want to take them out, some make you realize you should probably regain some forgotten qualities and attitudes.

This is an ideal moment for soul-searching: having started maternity leave (yes, the fourth and final baby is arriving in less than a month) and having some time for myself.

First reflection: Humor seem to have kept the bumps of life in perspective. The everyday tralala with 8-, 5- and 2-year olds is full of small drama. Managing it can be entertaining, rewarding, many times exhausting. I have considered the critical qualities to master this would include anticipation, creativity and patience. For some reason, somewhere between cleaning the broken glass from the floor, forbidding the one in potty training not to put fingers in 'it' while helping another to create a meaningful framework for life (why does God exist..?) I have forgotten one valuable attribute my younger self remembered: smile more.

Second reflection: Don't sweat the small things. I read my emotion-filled experiences with my first daughter over her eating habits. Well, having gone through now three toddlers identity affirmation periods (NO to served food being one of the most common means to define their boundaries), I try no longer make so much fuzz about unfinished plates, means of transport (bike, car or trotter, as long as they move forward), dress code (summer dress is OK as long as there are layers underneath) or trying to get all family members out for a walk. For my own sake, I need to be selective of my battles.

Third reflection: my husband has grown into a Star father ! The fourth baby on the way has truly set him to the highest gear and while keeping a demanding full-time job he is present with the kids in the evenings and helping at home where ever needed. I should compliment him more often. Looking around, I am happy to witness other large families, where fathers have prioritized their family first (and probably this has also been the pre-condition for smart women to agree to the 3rd and 4th baby..).

I have just finished a Christmas gift on how to grow children the Dutch way. Quite inspiring and thought-provoking ideas contrasting the competitive Anglo-American way to raise children with the more relaxed Dutch approach, where the latter apparently results in happier (and yet as highly performing) kids.  But more about this later.

Thank you Universe

So it was a bit of a disappointment upon our arrival to the long-waited holiday destination. Despite the research and recommendation by the travel agent, the children's pool was freezing, there were thousand stairs and no wifi..It was evening, we were tired and thought we would request a change of hotel the next day. This was March 21, 2016. I wake up the next morning as my phone is ringing. It's my brother-in-law calling from abroad. My stomach turns. Has something happened to the family? I hear relief in his voice as he hears we are safe and well. My children wake up and come sit next to me. Over the next few minutes, I hear the unspeakable horrors that had happened just a few minutes ago back home. At the airport check-in, where my girls were running and posing just a few hours ago. At the metro station next to our work. I see my six year old is studying my face and I have to control to keep my tears away. We end the phone call and I tell my husband we should forget about the change of hotel. Suddenly it all seemed trivial. Sun was shining and I propose we go have breakfast. I didn't want to tell the girls. Over the next few hours we receive tens of worried messages from family and friends around the world anxious to know if we're safe. It was quite frightening. Over the week, we tried to keep the holiday spirit up for our children's sake, but I think they sensed our tension. We kept ourselves busy: visiting the zoos, beaches, mini-discos..we even created a daily yoga practice all together. Back home, the spirits are low - national flags are out and solders are on the streets. Fortunately, my wonderful children don't realize this. They are thrilled about finding their favorite Elsa princess dress, hunting chocolate eggs and painting butterflies on their faces. I feel very grateful.

Love and kindness

Something we have learned over the years while living in this country is that being a customer is not a nice place to be. Customers are treated passive-aggressively, even with hostility, and in any case with varying degrees of arrogance. It is like being in the lowest of casts in this particular social stratification system. Therefore, I was neither surprised, neither (too much) offended, when on Monday morning, three technicians marched in our living room merely saying hello, asking if my husband had put on weigh since the last time and joking that he must have just grown older..Then they asked for a coffee. My husband kindly offered them some water. They insist. I was in the middle of changing my baby and was planning to take my toddler to school. Not really an ideal time for coffee service anyways.  I was quickly considering how the situation could evolve depending on my reaction and the eventual consequence. I could break my moral code and tell a white lie, but unfortunately my beautiful Nespresso machine and packs of coffee were standing proudly and visibly in the kitchen. I could play patronizing and tell them I could and would make them coffee had they been nicer to my  husband. Or I could simply tell them off while admitting being at the same primitive behavioral level as they were. In all of the option the likely consequence would be that I was left stranded with the 250 kg radiator in our front door. And we all know how hard it is to GET SERVICE in this country! It had taken several weeks and phone calls to get these precious men to do the job in first place. And here's the catch, they know it very well - hence the coffee. So I forced myself to empathize. They are doing hard work. They are surely good people. The good men got their lattes with and without sugar, even with a smile on top. And we have our radiator beautifully fixed on the wall. Practicing love and kindness. Pays off :)

Frozen-fever - three years to go !

They promise at the package it would last between 3 and 6 years. My second one turned three last week. Meaning I have still roughly three years to see the light blue dresses, listen to the "Let it go" -song, collect the inieme Princess-Elsa doll from the floor..Yes, the Frozen fever ! The culmination of the Frozen fever coincides unfortunately with both girls' birthdays and with the real fever-flue-season. This is not ideal. The birthday parties approaching we spent evening and evenings "preparing for the cake" meaning surfing on the web for ideas..this is NOT how to manage expectations I can tell you ! My daughters think the All-capable-Mom can come up with pretty much anything they see on the web (thank you for the confidence my dears). So we have finally selected the cake model, we've chocen the decor for the table, we've filled the party-bags, the friends have received the invitations..when the second fever kicks in: the flue! Oh dear it was mean this year! And it came in waves meaning we have been almost one month fighting the germs and even the All-mighty-Mom was knocked down! But there is light at the end of the tunnel, after long illnesses there is nothing more wonderful than being well! The Rennaissance! And here I find myself, first morning in health, baking, my dear friends, the Princess-Elsa cake for my real princesses..I would not be happier doing anything else..