Looking in the past

Reading my old blog posts is a fascinating experience, even a therapeutic one. You meet your (younger) self again. Some posts make you want to take them out, some make you realize you should probably regain some forgotten qualities and attitudes.

This is an ideal moment for soul-searching: having started maternity leave (yes, the fourth and final baby is arriving in less than a month) and having some time for myself.

First reflection: Humor seem to have kept the bumps of life in perspective. The everyday tralala with 8-, 5- and 2-year olds is full of small drama. Managing it can be entertaining, rewarding, many times exhausting. I have considered the critical qualities to master this would include anticipation, creativity and patience. For some reason, somewhere between cleaning the broken glass from the floor, forbidding the one in potty training not to put fingers in 'it' while helping another to create a meaningful framework for life (why does God exist..?) I have forgotten one valuable attribute my younger self remembered: smile more.

Second reflection: Don't sweat the small things. I read my emotion-filled experiences with my first daughter over her eating habits. Well, having gone through now three toddlers identity affirmation periods (NO to served food being one of the most common means to define their boundaries), I try no longer make so much fuzz about unfinished plates, means of transport (bike, car or trotter, as long as they move forward), dress code (summer dress is OK as long as there are layers underneath) or trying to get all family members out for a walk. For my own sake, I need to be selective of my battles.

Third reflection: my husband has grown into a Star father ! The fourth baby on the way has truly set him to the highest gear and while keeping a demanding full-time job he is present with the kids in the evenings and helping at home where ever needed. I should compliment him more often. Looking around, I am happy to witness other large families, where fathers have prioritized their family first (and probably this has also been the pre-condition for smart women to agree to the 3rd and 4th baby..).

I have just finished a Christmas gift on how to grow children the Dutch way. Quite inspiring and thought-provoking ideas contrasting the competitive Anglo-American way to raise children with the more relaxed Dutch approach, where the latter apparently results in happier (and yet as highly performing) kids.  But more about this later.

Thank you Universe

So it was a bit of a disappointment upon our arrival to the long-waited holiday destination. Despite the research and recommendation by the travel agent, the children's pool was freezing, there were thousand stairs and no wifi..It was evening, we were tired and thought we would request a change of hotel the next day. This was March 21, 2016. I wake up the next morning as my phone is ringing. It's my brother-in-law calling from abroad. My stomach turns. Has something happened to the family? I hear relief in his voice as he hears we are safe and well. My children wake up and come sit next to me. Over the next few minutes, I hear the unspeakable horrors that had happened just a few minutes ago back home. At the airport check-in, where my girls were running and posing just a few hours ago. At the metro station next to our work. I see my six year old is studying my face and I have to control to keep my tears away. We end the phone call and I tell my husband we should forget about the change of hotel. Suddenly it all seemed trivial. Sun was shining and I propose we go have breakfast. I didn't want to tell the girls. Over the next few hours we receive tens of worried messages from family and friends around the world anxious to know if we're safe. It was quite frightening. Over the week, we tried to keep the holiday spirit up for our children's sake, but I think they sensed our tension. We kept ourselves busy: visiting the zoos, beaches, mini-discos..we even created a daily yoga practice all together. Back home, the spirits are low - national flags are out and solders are on the streets. Fortunately, my wonderful children don't realize this. They are thrilled about finding their favorite Elsa princess dress, hunting chocolate eggs and painting butterflies on their faces. I feel very grateful.

Love and kindness

Something we have learned over the years while living in this country is that being a customer is not a nice place to be. Customers are treated passive-aggressively, even with hostility, and in any case with varying degrees of arrogance. It is like being in the lowest of casts in this particular social stratification system. Therefore, I was neither surprised, neither (too much) offended, when on Monday morning, three technicians marched in our living room merely saying hello, asking if my husband had put on weigh since the last time and joking that he must have just grown older..Then they asked for a coffee. My husband kindly offered them some water. They insist. I was in the middle of changing my baby and was planning to take my toddler to school. Not really an ideal time for coffee service anyways.  I was quickly considering how the situation could evolve depending on my reaction and the eventual consequence. I could break my moral code and tell a white lie, but unfortunately my beautiful Nespresso machine and packs of coffee were standing proudly and visibly in the kitchen. I could play patronizing and tell them I could and would make them coffee had they been nicer to my  husband. Or I could simply tell them off while admitting being at the same primitive behavioral level as they were. In all of the option the likely consequence would be that I was left stranded with the 250 kg radiator in our front door. And we all know how hard it is to GET SERVICE in this country! It had taken several weeks and phone calls to get these precious men to do the job in first place. And here's the catch, they know it very well - hence the coffee. So I forced myself to empathize. They are doing hard work. They are surely good people. The good men got their lattes with and without sugar, even with a smile on top. And we have our radiator beautifully fixed on the wall. Practicing love and kindness. Pays off :)

Frozen-fever - three years to go !

They promise at the package it would last between 3 and 6 years. My second one turned three last week. Meaning I have still roughly three years to see the light blue dresses, listen to the "Let it go" -song, collect the inieme Princess-Elsa doll from the floor..Yes, the Frozen fever ! The culmination of the Frozen fever coincides unfortunately with both girls' birthdays and with the real fever-flue-season. This is not ideal. The birthday parties approaching we spent evening and evenings "preparing for the cake" meaning surfing on the web for ideas..this is NOT how to manage expectations I can tell you ! My daughters think the All-capable-Mom can come up with pretty much anything they see on the web (thank you for the confidence my dears). So we have finally selected the cake model, we've chocen the decor for the table, we've filled the party-bags, the friends have received the invitations..when the second fever kicks in: the flue! Oh dear it was mean this year! And it came in waves meaning we have been almost one month fighting the germs and even the All-mighty-Mom was knocked down! But there is light at the end of the tunnel, after long illnesses there is nothing more wonderful than being well! The Rennaissance! And here I find myself, first morning in health, baking, my dear friends, the Princess-Elsa cake for my real princesses..I would not be happier doing anything else..  

Life of Three

We have had now almost 6 months as a family with three kids, now aged 5, 2 years and 6 months. It has been months full of laughter, tears and feelings ranging from bursting happiness to tired sadness.. the usual stuff really for a family with kids! We are blessed with the calmest and cutest little baby boy I could have ever hoped for. The girls have found a soulmate in each other and have become inseparable. I wasn't really prepared to the amount of new parenting skills I still had to learn including basics, such as getting baby to sleep the nights (both girls started sleeping through the nights at 3,5 months..), learning the importance of 121 time with each child, doubling the cuddling time especially to the eldest one (they just pretend to be big really). Each child protested on their own way after the arrival of the new baby; the middle one started wetting her pants and climbing to our bed during the night, the eldest started telling white lies and hiding things..Fortunately after making weeks of extra efforts in giving individual attention, talking privately about how important each one is and how much we love them things have already started to find their own course. I completely underestimated the cumulation of fatigue and what it does to your brain and body..Probably I didn't catch-up on the sleep between the pregnancies and therefore I am were I am today. You have to be gentle on yourself and take it with humou I tell myself: there has been mornings, when I have done quite a lot of extra walking because of forgotten school items (good for the activity record though :)). I speak in passed tense, although the baby is still not sleeping the nights, but the wake-ups have reduced to 1. or 2. My new year's intention is to now write down all the things I had been dreaming of doing during my extended maternity leave, which has still (only!) 4,5 months left. With that thought, I'll try to catch some sleep..

Confessions part 1

As a typical week in our house hold, I have had star parenting moments and, well, less brilliant ones and ones that looked sweet to start with, but turned quickly into sour.. Starting with the good ones:

1. We enjoyed a civilized lunch in a public place with quasi-well behaving children. The 21 times of practice in Egypt has finally yielded promising results. I didn't even mind paying 6 euros for warm water and it was not even accompanied with a teabag, but called chicken soup. Bravo les filles! "
2. We (myself and belly baby boy) survived the sugar stress test with only a minor humiliation (falling asleep for 45 min. in the hospital waiting room while digesting all that glucose).
3. My 2-year old composed herself autonomously after a post-nap tantrum. What a well-balanced (raised) child..
4. My 5-year old was selected to the competition gymnastics team. I am very proud.

On to the confession part:

1. I realize, despite all the wisdom read, but evidently not absorbed, that I have started living through my children's successes. I found myself posting the news to three people within 30 seconds having learned the point 4. news. Embarrassing.
2. My children are spoiled. They can ruin a whole morning over the size of a cookie..SIZE OF A COOKIE!!!!!!!!!And we have spoken about the people living in poverty and not having enough food, but reminding this has absolutely no emotional impact whatsoever. I need a serious plan to start raising the global consciousness of my children before it is too late.

There were probably quite some other incident this week, but my yoga teacher invited us to be kind to ourselves so I decide to stop here. Good night all wonderful moms. 

Confessions

As a typical week in our house hold, I have had star parenting moments and, well, less brilliant ones and ones that looked sweet to start with, but turned quickly into sour.. Starting with the good ones:

1. We enjoyed a civilized lunch in a public place with quasi-well behaving children. The 21 times of practice in Egypt has finally yielded promising results. I didn't even mind paying 6 euros for warm water and it was not even accompanied with a teabag, but called chicken soup. Bravo les filles! "
2. We (myself and belly baby boy) survived the sugar stress test with only a minor humiliation (falling asleep for 45 min. in the hospital waiting room while digesting all that glucose).
3. My 2-year old composed herself autonomously after a post-nap tantrum. What a well-balanced (raised) child..
4. My 5-year old was selected to the competition gymnastics team. I am very proud.

On to the confession part:

1. I realize, despite all the wisdom read, but evidently not absorbed, that I have started living through my children's successes. I found myself posting the news to three people within 30 seconds having learned the point 4. news. Embarrassing.
2. My children are spoiled. They can ruin a whole morning over the size of a cookie..SIZE OF A COOKIE!!!!!!!!!And we have spoken about the people living in poverty and not having enough food, but reminding this has absolutely no emotional impact whatsoever. I need a serious plan to start raising the global consciousness of my children before it is too late.

There were probably quite some other incident this week, but my yoga teacher invited us to be kind to ourselves so I decide to stop here. Good night all wonderful moms.