Happy Days

It must be the sunny days (record in Belgium for March), the cherry blossoms and mild spring wheather, which brings the smile on all of our faces. During our late evening jogging and biking with my son, as the darkness sets, he insists on pausing at the bridge. I look at him waiting for an enthousiastic comment about a fast-speeding police car, but he surprises me by wanting to look at the stars..I am mesmerised. We stand in silence and look at the dark evening sky, where the stars are starting to appear. The going gets even wilder, when he makes a proposal making surely every moms heart melt: "I want to take you on a holiday mom. Just you and me. I will buy a mini-helicopter, and fly you (to the moon?) to GREECE. And then we will go swimming to the sea, just the two of us, every morning, we did last summer." Our few moments in Greece have made keep-sake memories for him, and it makes me so happy. Probably these evening trails, just the two of us, will make as well. I promised to join him for the exquisite voyage, with a great pleasure, as it sounded simply wonderful. The spring fever does not end there. My big girls are excited with the activities resuming after pandemie. The restrictions have been lifted and school is organising covid-over-party (sorry, connecting our people party..) of the secondary students! My daughter is so pleased having bitter memories for having missed two long waited school camps and other excursions during the pandemie. My heart sings when I see her eyes lit explaining me of all and every details of the upcoming fair. Thank you Universe for offering this normality back to us! My second one is preparing for her gymnastics competition and managed to negotiate a new outfit, of course. I had to find quickly a wise reason to consume without an immeadiate need nor planning, quick quick quick! Well, she HAS been practicing for months, and therefore I agreed to treat her for the good work. Yeah. Furthermore, together with her sister, they plan a trip to the amusement park, just as in the old days. And Over the weekend I promised to take them also to the trampoline park.. What is this? We go crazy! This is like being binge-active after two years of deprivation! All the things we have missed over two years!And the sleep-overs..I say yes to all proposals, but realise I might need to visit Ikea to stock our mattresses and pillows.. Most importantly, we are planning my baby-girls birthday, 4th birthday! A good preparation for her was last Sunday's invitation to a class mates birthday party. How cute she was, in her dress, with the huge gift in the arms, full of excitement heading for her very first party by herself! Well, the organizations are still on the way for her own party and the biggest challenge is to capture the class mates parents contact details. Really, mission impossible. People have become muted, introverts, non-communicating silliots. Sorry for that. Thank you covid, I still have not met all the parents and it seems a mission impossible to trace from whatsup the connection between child and parent..Not to worry, the other party ingredients are coming together nicely - cake by my eldest (paw patrol and princess, as wished by the birthday girl), birthday dress, gifts, invitation cards..We also agreed with the teacher the happy day when she can bring a cake to school (no covis rules, yey) and celebrate with her friends. I am so happy for her. She is growing up and it makes the days easier for all of us. I already signed her up for tennis this spring and gymnastics for the fall. Having inherited our overly sporty genes, she will be a content bundle of girl❤ I cannot stop to my youngest though. Our newest family member since 10 days has become a fully-fledged member in our family. It is incredible the speed and facility this little fur ball has made himself comfortable with us. He has his favorite sleeping spots (always close to us), he goes 80% of time to the pee pads for relieving himself, he also does that regurly outside. He has learned to follow commands such as his name, sit, lie dow, here -in only little over week! He is so progressive, we had to order twice intelligence games for him to keep him entertained while we work, he completed all of the dog puzzles at no time! Our walks outside are such fun, not only because we are proud to push him in the trolly (although we think people take us for cannot-havekids-tryto-compensate-with-puppy - people) and his excitement over everything, but also by the genuine positive reactions from people! I never got the same attention with my babies, even they were superbly cute! Well, just to say, I never knew I was such a dog person, or could be so quickly attached to our puppy. We all feel it was the right decision at the right time. A lucky dog as well, getting all our love and attention. Happy days, all I can say. I feel blessed. Thank you Universe❤

Welcome Taica!

Here he is, snugged next to me, our cute lovable new member of family ! Hard to believe he is finally here! We are dog owners! For the kids, this has been a long waited dream come true and for us parents, well, we could have waited another year for our youngest baby to reach the heighof 5 years, but yes we are ready too. Nobody can resist our Taica now. He is impressing us with his calm and balanced little personality, looking for a human contact to stay by. It is difficult to believe he will be with us (god bless him) for the next decade at least. Welcome to our family little handsome Taica❤

Missing the good vibes

I would like to celebrate the lifting of covid-measures after two years, especially with my youngest one at the height of almost four years who was never invited to a birthday party or a friends house yet due to restrictions. Embrace all the women in the world on the International Women day. Share the joy with my children of the long-awaited arrival of a new puppy in some weeks. Feel the joy of first month in my new job and discovery of new wonderful colleagues. I want to feel the sparkling feeling I get every spring, on the arrival of first cherry blossoms in the trees (already there). If only there was not this misearble war going on, casting its shadow on all. I limit my intake of news, which is impossible given the sheer wave of solidarity of the western world and action in all fronts to support the country being invaded and our shared values. I feel emotionally charged and cannot hold my tears when I get a glimpse of imagages of families escaping, farewella in train stations. I can so well empathise the fear, sadness, anger of those women leaving with their children and leaving their husbands. And pictures of those parents who stayed, carrying their children outof burning houses. It is unspeakable the horrors happening in 2022 just next door. I try to channel my worry into action. We bought a bag of medicaments and contributed to a donation with children's school. I feel it is not enough. If it was for me alone, I would take a foster child or at least give a room to a refugee family. At the same time I try to protect my children of the horrors of this world, as long as I can. People write about a changing world order. It makes my stomach turn. I just want to live and enjoy my family at peace. As do most of us.

Exceptional week

I could write this entry only about the war that has started in Europe. The wave of disbelief, shock and disappointment about this sudden unexpected turn, and yet unprecedented solidarity among the rest of the world. I try to limit the intake of news, but I can almost physically feel the panic and worry of those families still the day before living their everyday life and now fleeing their homes to the unknown. I pray morning and evening for the West to show their determination in making an end to this madness. At the same time, my week with my youngest one together at home while the rest of the family was on holidays got another meaning. We re-connected with my baby girl in a completely new level. She did not cry once during the week. Obviously, partly it was due to our program selected based on her preferences: swimming, biking, puppet theatre, princess games and puzzles. But even more, I could really sense how she appreciated my undivided attention, something she had not received since we left the maternity ward almost 4 years ago. Despite the long days at the day care, she was a new girl: happy, talkative, humorous little girl. I missed my other children dearly, and this arrangement will not happen again, but for my baby girl this was surely the best non-holiday she (and mom) has had❤

New Chapter

Next Monday will be a day of celebrations. Firstly, of my dear husband's 49th birthday, but also the end of my career at my employer of 10 years. A chapter is therefore closing. It has not been an easy neither linear ride. I embarked my career in this institution as a fresh graduate and set my long-term vision: I wanted to build my career working for the European Union. At the time, civil service was still respected and temporary contracts were rare, short-term and for the selected few. To concrete example to illustrate: I had 11 contracts in less than 2 years! Many adventures, further studies and valuable professional experiences later, I returned to the goal of mine in 2013. The consequent years were probably the toughest I had had -navigating my life between building a family, having my four babies, renovating a house, while keeping one toe in office. At one point I was ready to become a full-time yoga teacher! Then came Covid, an opportunity to re-focus my mind and the use of my time and allowed me to pass the competition. The only sustainable way to build an intellectually stimulating career within the EU jungle. The rest has been relatively easy. I applied to few positions and got invites to interviews to almost all of them. I could truly choose where I wanted to go. The role of my choice seemed to arrive naturally and appeared to be meant for me with direct link to my native country. I am very excited and look forward to the change. The coming year will be surely challenging in all perspectives, moving to new institution, learning a new profession, establishing my network in teleworking times..but it also gets me out of my comfort zone. And I feel ever grateful to have this opportunity to learn and grow.

Christmas

Leaving Finland and Estonia after holidays is becoming increasingly difficult for the whole family. Despite the freeing cold wheather and dressing in layers, the kids are thrilled with the Northern life style, the calmness and slow tempo of my childhood town up North. They claim they feel safe there, and can have more independence. Inadmittedly, it is safer, cleaner, calmer and organised society by all means. I feel the same. Skiing in the woods, warming up in sauna and waking up in a complete silence are things I truly get resourced, my body and mind are resting. More important than the surroundings, the warm feeling comes from the time spent with my family. My dear parents, so welcoming and caring in their demeure, making (and succeeding) to make us feel at home. I am so grateful to have them. Reuniting with my sisters - sharing, listening, being truly interested. Enjoying to see my children get unique attention from the extended family, and them to see how brilliant my young human beings are. Opportunities for exchanges and learning across generations. This is what we miss is our expat life. Leaving is hard, and we count the months for the next holiday. Feeling blessed to have such a wonderful family, beautiful place and fantastic home country.

Our loss

We took a walk today afternoon with my son to get some fresh air amids a working and home schooling. My son wants to discuss about death. He wants to know what happens after a person dies. Our family has so far been saved from loss, god bless us. I wonder were his questions come from. He is intreaged with the concept of soul going to heaven and body being only the shell of a person passing away and being buried. A few hours later, we have had dinner and all four children are dancing in the living room. The door bell rings, it is a neighbour with her little girl picking up a lost ear ring. I hear my husband greet her at the door. Suddenly, I realize they are all screaming. Kids run outside. "The fox!!!" they are yelling. We all run outside and have to witness the unimaginable horror I would have never hoped my children had to witness: we find our dearly beloved pet rabbits dead. The fox had accessed the protected area and followed his instinct of a predator. I feel terrible, empty sadness. We are all crying. My husband brings Toffee inside, she is still alive. We call the veterinary. As my husband discusses with the doctor, I kneel down next to Toffee. Our favorite little rabbit, so beautiful and intelligent one with an incredible memory. I stroke her white soft fur gently, she has eyes open and she looks peaceful. I pray to bless her and not having to suffer. As I pray for her, she passess away. My husband burries both of them in our garden. We go outside with the kids and send them away with prayers. We thank them for having joined our family for two years and for the joy they brought to all of us. My son waives in the sky, in heaven, and claims he saw Toffee wink him back. In the evening it is difficult to calm down, for all of us. We talk about death, about the goodness of heaven and try to visualise Choco and Toffee happily eating carrots and playing in there. We talk about the fox too. It is not bad, although difficult to accept,but part of the cruelty of nature. My eldest daughter believes the immense sadness we feel at the moment, will be compensated with as huge amount of happiness, because there is balance in the universe. I am utterly impressed by her wisdom at this difficult moment. At the height of her 11 years, she has been the main guardian of the rabbits and most attached to them. I feel so sorry for her loss. I wish I could have protected her. I don't know why this happened and if it had to happen, why in this most cruel way. Why could it not have happened while we were away, or at least when the kids were at school. We could have prepared them for the loss. Now, they had to see it in their own eyes, witness the panic, our uncontrolled emotions of the moment, all the brutality. I told my children we are all allowed to take time to mourn. They can talk about it whenever, write about their feelings or draw about their emotions. I promise them everyday the pain will fade away a bit. I assure them we will get through this together and they will become stronger. Rest in peace Choco and Toffee. "You will alway stay in our hearts", as my son beautifully stated.