From the shadows emerges love

I feel a sudden burst of unconditional love vibrating from my heart in this golden sun-lit Friday, while leaving behind an extremely busy week of work, children's school work, extracullicular activities, birthdays to remember, on-going renovation works, the meal and housekeeping cores and on the top of that some other unexpected clutter, which fills our busy days, minds and keeps us - from my perspective - in an almost 24h operational mode. We have been pushing on with my husband through the pandemic like work horses, not opposing nor resisting, with the ever-optimistic hope there will be a moment of recompensation or rest at one point. I believe in a universal balance, of tough periods in life being followed by more sereine times. Having left behind the competition preparation just a week ago, we have had hardly a moment to breath when we got bad news yesterday needing an important amount of work from both of us. I told my husband I felt unfair, the "sereine period" was a way too short to be able to nourish us sufficiantly to face the next challenges. And there, from these deep feelings of being abandoned in our daily struggles just yesterday, I am alerted today to this extreme intense feelings of gratitude, towards my children and husband, towards all that surrounds us: being healthy, having each other, our beautiful house and surroundings. I feel an urge to write a love letter, to each and everyone, hence this post today.

EU craze

I recall precisely the moment that the notion of European union institutions and Brussels swirreled through my consciousness: June 2002, plage de voilier, Nice Cote d'Azur. I have just stepped down from Promenade des Anglais and heading with my Finnish trainee friends towards the crowds - looks like a beach party! A group of young universitaires approach us and proudly offer us their 1 euro budget "shampagne". We accept gladly. An extremely tanned young man with bright blue eyes appraches me with a smile. He smells a bit like the bottle he is carrying. Next, before I take a breath, he starts an enthousiastic presentation of himself with an exceptional speed and charming accent in his Finnish. The speech takes a tad longer than perhaps is appropriate, but I am mesmeraised by its impressiveness - wow! a traineeship at one of the EU institutions in Brussels!In an EU institution! I was hooked, I wanted to know more. 19 years later, Friday evening, I sit comfortably in the sofa, holding a glass of red vintage Bordeaux. My kids are upstairs, supposingly turning in. The tanned young man enjoying his sauna. I am celebrating my future success. I have yesterday completed the 3rd phase of an open eu competition, a process that started more than 2 years ago, or, in all honesty, 19 years ago. Many times, I have wished I would have never heard of Brussels. Life would definitely have been much more sereine in a smaller setting than in this driven business hub with probably the highest concentration of the european careerists. Without a doubt, life in Brussels is tough. For me, twenties went by studying and trying to find your spot with no connections, thirties working and raising a family with no network. It just shows the level of priviledged surroundings I come from, but it came as a complete shock the amount of work hours one has to put in to get by. SO, after years of systematic and disciplined (audit terminology!) training, attendance to numerous trainings and coachings, having carried books to most of our holidays in the past two years and studied hundrads of hours - here I am ready to turn a page. I am done. Regardless of the outcome. I am proud of myself, but I wish badly it was year 2004. God bless me.

When everything stops for a moment

In recent years, perhaps thanks to regular meditation and yoga practice, I have come to enjoy my intuitive capability: thinking of a long-forgotten friend in the morning and picking up the phone just to find a message from her or attracting certain situations and events to materialise. It is greatly entertaining for me, while keeping in surface the playfulness and gratefulness of this wonderful gift. As with everything else in this universe, opposits exist, yin and yan, masculine and feminine, light and shadow. So it is with the intuition, along with positive energies, I sense threats, tension and unexplanable terror at times. This morning, my family followed an exceptional schedule. My husband had to leave early to drive to Southern part of the country and therefore we all had to wake up earlier, kids to prepare for school and bus. It has been raining and extremely windy since yesterday and I disliked the idea of my husband leaving at these wheather conditions. At lunch I receive a message from my mother from 2000 km away "my leading star has corona" she writes in her post with pictures of her Mercedes frozen in the snow (-20 C). The car is covered with plankets and plugged to a heating fan. The picture makes me smile, as it illustrates so well the persistance of my mother when faced with adversity. She is angry as she was planning to drive the 450 km home and there was a snow storm arriving later in the afternoon. I observe the similarities in the stubborness of my two loved ones, one facing snow, the other in storm.I want to send her a message to stay overnight at the chalet, while knowing it is probably useless. I feel anxious the whole morning and have difficulties to concentrate at work. My thoughts go on the roads. At lunch, I am relieved to hear my husband drive in from the front gate. It had been a tough drive. In the afternoon I glance at my phone to have updates from my mom. There are none, but from my sister. There had been an accident, my mom was in the ambulance on her way to the hospital. My breath stops, I cannot believe it happened. At once, while being immensily relieved that she is alive, I feel suddenly upset at her going against the stream, not following universe's signs, not following her intuition. I send prayers and blessings to her that she will be safe. I love you mom.

Lakshmi energy

Traditionally, during this time of the year I have three birthday boys and girls to celebrate translating into organising multiple birthday parties within 9 days to include all VIP crowds. We all love it, the planning, selecting the party theme, choosing the invitees etc. After the year-end celebrations sufficiently behind, we seem to be seeking again the positive energy and beauty of sharing, giving and receiving. I was a concerned how this years celebration will turn out, how would my soon 11 and 8 year old babies accept a simplified version of partying, giving that the covid restrictions are still full on and organizing group gatherings are out of question. We sat donwn one afternoon and I casually brought up the subject of birthday, proposing them to invite their best friend from class to an afternoon of games and cake, and held my breath. I was expecting tears or other signs of disappointment. What are the odds! The capacity and speed of adaptation of my youth to these new restrected circumstances left me speechless! "Oh, that is a great idea Mom, it will be so much fun!! Thank you!" Sigh and relief. There I was, living a moment of truth realizing and learning from my children in a very concrete and wonderful way, of stop living from the past and refraining the mind to now, just this moment only. We had an amazingly fun afternoon, ate lots of cake, danced along Just Dance and played magic games. Simple, yet abundant. Om shreem maha lakshmiyei namaha.

Re-connecting with the essential

I did not tell this before, but the house we are renting is full of symbols and -to me- messages to be taken home. The name of the house, Villa Zen along with the smiling buddha on the front yard welcoming visitors are just the entrée. On the first day, I noticed a small card board with sanscrit text and a graphic symbol in an unusual place, hardly visible on the kitchen corner, behind a cupboard. In the evening, I translated the sanscrit and it turned out to be a mantra to call for prosperity and wealth. I discover there is a whole parallell divine world available to us I had forgotten of! Ten forms of gods or planets, who can be called upon, through these mantras, in case of earthly needs or sorrows: for a broken heart, have faith in oneself and spiritual path, staying truthful to ones values, keeping a calm mind, protecting from all evil and so forth. We determined, there must be ten mantras hidden in this house, and, surely, in our holiday mood, started the card hunt with the kids. As it turned out, we did find them! Behind curtains on ceiling level, behind vases and pictures, on uncommon places such as the wardrope! Clearly, the family living in this house has created an energy field shielding them. I felt puzzled why would the family want to rent out such a wonderful house. My children have been enjoying the many expensive toys left here to play, have read the beautifully written English shortstories by the two children living in this house and admired their drawings, playing at their pool or danced with the ballet bar. My heart sunk, as I discovered the owners are going through a billion dollar divorce, the mother seeking to protect her children, risking at loosing possibly all earthly belongings. I fear sharing this house has not been by choice. I bless them dearly and pray for their protection and good fortune. I ask what witnessing all this triggered in me? Having been initially blinded by the beauty and wealthiness so abondant everywhere here, there is always the dark side to light, the complications, broken families and sorrow. Having 2020 behind me, as the best of years in terms of spending time together and being close to my family and loved ones, I feel all the more gratefule for what I have. There is no value to put on unconditional love, respect and sharing of the everyday life ups and downs of parenting, and yet find your partner next to you, every morning.

Marbeilla

We have all fallen for Marbeilla. How can you not not have your heart melting in front of the breathtaking scenery of sun lightning the sea against the dramatic mountains. During the past week, everyday has given reasons to like the region more. We have done hikings in villages of Ojen, Istan, Camino de Cuesta. All with the kids, although my husband has done a fair share of carrying the pushchair up the mountain It is such a contrast to the concentration of wealth of Marbeilla to immerge onself in the modest mountain villages, only 30min. drive from Marbeilla, as was the case for Ojen and Istan. The kids are as equally mesmerised by this Southern Spanish lifestyle. They have tasted the tapas, listened to traditional Spanish music and enjoyed of course the sun and heated pool of our house. Incidentally, we have rented a house at the best area of Marbeilla, the Bahia, in a close guarded residence, 5 min. from the beach. The house has everything a family with kids could wish for. As we learned, we have the priviledge of living in a russian oligarcs summer residence. Who would have thought as we hastily reserverd the place just two weeks before leaving. In honesty, it was the fenced pool and kids playground in the garden which blew me away. We took the dreaming to the next level by visiting a model house for sale not far from Bahia. We were welcomed by a warm serbian lady, who presented the house to us, with a pool and view to the sea and mountains alike. A three-year concierge service would be offered free on the 1.5 million house. We were all ready to swap our Belgian house for this tastefully designed dream house! All in all, as the sun sets on this last day of this particular year, I could not wish to be elsewhere. (Except of course with the extended family up North!). We will soon leave this decade behind, a decade for me of building my life and family, buying a house, changing career, giving birth and raising four beautiful children. I could not feel more grateful and blessed. With humbleness I bow to the next decade to bring us as many happy moments of sharing, love and health. Welcoming to us a prosperous New Year 2021!

Going against the crowd at Christmas

"We are probably staying at home, although my husband still dreams of going somewhere warm." I tell my neighbourg asking our plans for Christmas. This is the enieme time I tell this, to other neighbours, teachers, our friends. Everybody are wondering what to do this year, after the year "Horribilis" as some have called it. So despite the recommendations and the inconvenience of having to get covid -tested, we decided to take the risk and buy flight tickets and rent a house in Spain. It turns out Marbeilla is the warmest bet thanks to its micro climate, snugged between the sea and mountains, just as we love it! I find a seemingly perfect house close to the beach with a heated swimming poo, kids playground in the garden and we hesitate no longer! For the first time, it was possible to put a euro figure to the risk we took. Should one of us get a positive result in the test, the trip was off. No insurence covers covid, at least not ours. In the next days, I meditated daily to get the negative tests. We filled in the bureacracy, booked a test time and on a Sunday morning 72h before our departure, we packed our babies and drove to the airport for a test. Kids were so excited and brave. Everything went smoothly. We celebrated the bravery by stopping at the boulangery to get some comfort pastries. It always makes a merry group. I refused to consider other alternatives and packed our suitcases. In the evening, we got the results, one by one getting the confrimation this is actually happening! I was so relieved! The night of our departure finally arrived. Kids were extremely concerned what would happen to their Christmas gifts, would Santa find his way to Spain? Well, as it turned out, he was thinking of all, and as we woke up the kids 3am to leave to the airport, they discovered all the presents already waiting for them under the Christmas tree. What a Joy!! The journey to Spain turned out to be horrible. Not because of covid or bureaucracy, everything went flawlessly: the airports empty, no lines to wait, personnel very friendly. It became a challenge, because of banal illnesses that had been staying put the whole year, and decided to emerge just now, at this day of travel. My son threw-up first time at home, second time in front of the security check ("euh, no symptoms of covid, this is just travel sickness"), third time at the plane. My daughter started to complain she had pain in the bladder. My baby threw up in the car and was already on antibiotics for an erupted ear the day before. So in a word, we were all sick. Fortunately, my usual medical arenal for traveling was as complete and came to a real use: we avoided going to the hospital. With a handful of sleep in our hand, we visited Malaga, drove to Marbeilla, went to do grocery shopping (including Christmas meal) and finally could go to our new home for the next two weeks. We entered by a guard by the gate to a luxourious residence area. Our house turned out to be gorgeus, the best actually we have ever had. A smiling buddha welcomed us at the front yard, sending blessings to us for our whole stay I hoped. Evening sun was casting last rays of light to the mountains, as we put our babies to bed and congratulated ourselves for the once again little heroic challenge we had taken. It seemed already worth it.