Look
what I found! Will this be answer to my all my questions??
Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting
by Myla Kabat-Zinn, Jon Kabat-Zinn
Monday, 24 February 2014
Thursday, 20 February 2014
Sign of life
Quite difficult to believe it has been almost
two years since my last post. For some reason, today, having a rare calm moment
before picking up my daughter from kindergarten, I was drawn back here. So many
things happened! First of all, our little family has become larger with the
birth of our second daughter. She just turned an admirable one year, moves
faster than Fisher Price rabbit car and puts a smile on our face at least a
hundred times a day. Her older sister - a fresh 4 years old - has developed a
strong and yet highly sensitive character (coming from fathers side no
discussion) and is placing as many times an argument on the table probably just
for the sake of play. Although, tonight we had a unique sharing of feelings at
bed time with her, when she was for the first time able to express herself on
these chronic tantrums. Her statement was so calm, serious and sincere that I
had tears in my eyes before she even spoke : "There is one thing mom that
bothers me. It is just that you take all the time the baby, the baby and the
baby in the arms.." Thank you my dear for having given me the chance to
explain too.
My husband experiences a Renaissance with his healthy foot after the nine operations in four different countries. He plans to be back on the running track and skiing by no time, but the training starts tomorrow. I finally bought him a Fitbit as birthday present to spin his motivation, but no results in the horizon so far. And me? I am good. Happy! Decided on an impulse one winter night before Christmas to listen to my heart and asked for a part-time work since February. Convincing my close surroundings of the huge benefits for every family member, defending a business plan to ensure a financially sound spring for this household, lobbying colleagues to support me (at least in front of my back) and finally discussing with my boss seemed the least daunting parts of the process. And then started the glory days of working half-time, which is great. But I still find myself in trying to keep balance in this every day craziness. Of course. I have made some other tough fundamental 'feel better' changes in my life as well. Professionally, I moved from working for the private interest to the European interests. Big change in many levels. I have also kept my regular Hatha practice (started when pregnant for my second daughter) and just printed out a new running program to be fit for the 20 K in May. I hope this spring will bring more occasions to go see my friends, keep contact with those ones living abroad, have skype meetings with family and do more spontaneous outings with my husband (among a zillion of other things)..I think we should all ask to have it all, no?
My husband experiences a Renaissance with his healthy foot after the nine operations in four different countries. He plans to be back on the running track and skiing by no time, but the training starts tomorrow. I finally bought him a Fitbit as birthday present to spin his motivation, but no results in the horizon so far. And me? I am good. Happy! Decided on an impulse one winter night before Christmas to listen to my heart and asked for a part-time work since February. Convincing my close surroundings of the huge benefits for every family member, defending a business plan to ensure a financially sound spring for this household, lobbying colleagues to support me (at least in front of my back) and finally discussing with my boss seemed the least daunting parts of the process. And then started the glory days of working half-time, which is great. But I still find myself in trying to keep balance in this every day craziness. Of course. I have made some other tough fundamental 'feel better' changes in my life as well. Professionally, I moved from working for the private interest to the European interests. Big change in many levels. I have also kept my regular Hatha practice (started when pregnant for my second daughter) and just printed out a new running program to be fit for the 20 K in May. I hope this spring will bring more occasions to go see my friends, keep contact with those ones living abroad, have skype meetings with family and do more spontaneous outings with my husband (among a zillion of other things)..I think we should all ask to have it all, no?
Tuesday, 13 March 2012
Breakfast stories
Breakfast used to be my favourite meal of the
day. It gathered the family together, required minimum preparation (or
creativity) and usually pleased everybody. It was somehow a peaceful ritual to
start the new day. Since some months ago my 2 years old daughter no longer
shares the same idea. The first argument still holds - the family is still
gathered together, but the rest is long gone memory. Creativity (along with
patience) have become the only seriously valuable currencies in this market: NO
to porridge, NO to sandwich, NO to müsli, NO to pancakes (?!). Her ideal regime
would include only and solemnly dried cranberries. Or raisins at the most. So
what. It's not so serious I promised some time ago to myself. I got yet a
recent and concrete reminder of this. Sunday morning at breakfast table, we're
alone with my daughter and suddenly I breath in a piece of my muesli: coughing,
fear and yet in the evening I was sure there was a peace left stuck somewhere
in the tubes..In consequence I spent the next day in the emergency unit to do
x-rays of my lungs. Sitting in the emergency waiting room can be an
enlightening experience: the old lady crying next to her motionless husband's
bed, the worried mother with a baby in high fever, the young man who didn't
have any insurance and could not pay the account for treatment (shocking that
this is happening in our "welfare" Europe?) I felt suddenly so sorry
for all those people! We have had a somewhat rough path in my little family,
but it's nothing! There are so much (more) goodness also around us! The
wonderful friends treating us with delicious meals, weekends at the sea or
encouraging emails, the neighbour stopping unannounced with a hot soup, the
other one offering to do the groceries. The list could go on and on. Life is
beautiful and cranberries and raisins are a great option for breakfast (if
eaten peacefully).
Thursday, 26 January 2012
New Year's Promise
Dear All,
HAPPY, HEALTHY and FULFILLED NEW YEAR 2012!
The new year started with many wonderful 'Firsts' for my daughter: first road-trip up North to visit Santa Claus Himself, kiss to a (real) rain deer, welding of a horse shoe predicting the new year (yes, it is a tradition) and traveling by train.. Talk about the amazement of an almost 2 -year old! At least as surprised, I realized I had to convince her of the fun of rushing downhill with a snow sleigh, making snow angels or building a snow man..By the end of the week we were finally both enjoying:)
She was not the only one discovering new things either. Apparently the many years abroad have left me with some worrying gaps in my general knowledge about how to live this life (the right way). Did YOU know that:
- It is no longer enough that your child covers her mouth with her hand when coughing? She should be covering it with her elbow of course! (to avoid seriously the share of microbes)
- BIO food is dangerous (because it probably contains un-tested toxins that will harm your health)
- Eating vegetarian will very likely make even your child's growth curve slow down (even if you give them a steak twice a week)
-Yogurts should be forbidden, lunches must be served hot and heavy, milk with vitamin D is the only proper drink for a toddler and vitamin C is THE remedy for all illness!
I felt the responsibility of making smart decisions weighing heavy on my shoulders. Made me also wonder of all the other vital pieces of information I am still left out..How will we survive?
Some weeks later I was back home visiting our neighbourhood boulangerie with my little daughter. As we were leaving, the lady suddenly opened a drawer and - before I could take a breath - took a huge, beautiful bright blue artificial lollipop glowing of e-items and stack it to my daughters delighted mouth. I blushed and muttered: "Oh, indeed, great, there goes her first lolly..!". The lady looked at me puzzled: "But it's not so serious Madame".
I realized from this moment onwards it was NOT going to be all so serious ! Who cares! Where's the FUN! Think of us, kids of the wild 70's: How many e-filled candies have we eaten? How many toys coming fresh from Chinese factories? And yet we turned out so perfect !
New Year's promise? Let's take it laid back..
HAPPY, HEALTHY and FULFILLED NEW YEAR 2012!
The new year started with many wonderful 'Firsts' for my daughter: first road-trip up North to visit Santa Claus Himself, kiss to a (real) rain deer, welding of a horse shoe predicting the new year (yes, it is a tradition) and traveling by train.. Talk about the amazement of an almost 2 -year old! At least as surprised, I realized I had to convince her of the fun of rushing downhill with a snow sleigh, making snow angels or building a snow man..By the end of the week we were finally both enjoying:)
She was not the only one discovering new things either. Apparently the many years abroad have left me with some worrying gaps in my general knowledge about how to live this life (the right way). Did YOU know that:
- It is no longer enough that your child covers her mouth with her hand when coughing? She should be covering it with her elbow of course! (to avoid seriously the share of microbes)
- BIO food is dangerous (because it probably contains un-tested toxins that will harm your health)
- Eating vegetarian will very likely make even your child's growth curve slow down (even if you give them a steak twice a week)
-Yogurts should be forbidden, lunches must be served hot and heavy, milk with vitamin D is the only proper drink for a toddler and vitamin C is THE remedy for all illness!
I felt the responsibility of making smart decisions weighing heavy on my shoulders. Made me also wonder of all the other vital pieces of information I am still left out..How will we survive?
Some weeks later I was back home visiting our neighbourhood boulangerie with my little daughter. As we were leaving, the lady suddenly opened a drawer and - before I could take a breath - took a huge, beautiful bright blue artificial lollipop glowing of e-items and stack it to my daughters delighted mouth. I blushed and muttered: "Oh, indeed, great, there goes her first lolly..!". The lady looked at me puzzled: "But it's not so serious Madame".
I realized from this moment onwards it was NOT going to be all so serious ! Who cares! Where's the FUN! Think of us, kids of the wild 70's: How many e-filled candies have we eaten? How many toys coming fresh from Chinese factories? And yet we turned out so perfect !
New Year's promise? Let's take it laid back..
Friday, 2 December 2011
Mission ZENITUDE
It was precisely four days earlier, when I was sitting comfortably
on our canapé having a quiet "ladies" evening with an old friend of
mine. We were discussing about the ups and downs of each of our
lives and congratulating ourselves how well we still manage
our busy schedules. I even reached to make an explicit and proud
distinction of being extremely busy - but not stressed. The fine line
between control - and havoc.
It was precisely four days later, when I am sitting in a car, late in the afternoon in a pouring rain, 60 km and 40 min. drive (on a weekday) away from home, but most importantly - from the kindergarten. I had wanted to leave at 16:00, to be at the kindergarten at 17:00 pm. It is 17:00 pm. I call the kindergarten warning I will be there in around 45 min. I am never late from picking up my daughter. Ever. It breaks my heart just the thought of her being the last one, waiting 12 times at the door if it is her mommy this time..And I have so far managed to keep this promise. But today the planning just went wrong from the beginning.
The nurses in the home hospital didn't know how to fix my husband’s bandage, so we left 45 min. late to the other city's hospital. He was a wreck worrying how he would cope the drive without his "pump" - he had 2 hours time limit to get to the other hospital and attach "the pump" back. Everything was arranged, and the personnel in the other hospital were waiting us. We arrive in the hospital with15 min. lead time. There is no machine, the person in charge has left home, nobody knows what to do. It is 16:45 - I have to leave. I feel terrible leaving him there alone.
17:20 - i am not even outside the city. I see kilometres of red car lights in five lanes in front of me. I try to listen to music, only traffic info on accidents, as if I didn't know. I call the kindergarten and warn I may be late, hopefully there before 6 pm. I ask what time does it close, 18:15. Ok. 17 40 - I see no progress. I call my sister and express (poor her ) all the cursing words I know in three languages in a one long phrase and close the call. 17:55 - the traffic eases and I drive in gear 6. Could it be that I make it to 18:15? I call to the kindergarten to say I just may make it. 18:15 I arrive to the boarders of home city. Enter the tunnel. What is this..No, NO, NOOO!! I hit the home city's evening traffic..
45 min. and 4 phone calls later I arrive to the kindergarten. It is 19:15. The kindergarten has closed one hour ago, even the school is closed. The security is waiting me with looks full of despise. I run to the familiar section, and find my little daughter. She is wearing her shoes and her skiing hat and looks so happy to see me. I promise to bribe the young lady who stayed with her.
We drove home and I explained everything to my girl. She listened and smiled- we were friends again. We ate hot oatmeal and warm milk for supper, giggled in bathroom and went to bed. I called my husband to ask how he was - they had found his "Pump", he was OK. I told him everything was fine, we were safe at home. I closed my eyes thinking: Life under control, no havoc, was it so?
It was precisely four days later, when I am sitting in a car, late in the afternoon in a pouring rain, 60 km and 40 min. drive (on a weekday) away from home, but most importantly - from the kindergarten. I had wanted to leave at 16:00, to be at the kindergarten at 17:00 pm. It is 17:00 pm. I call the kindergarten warning I will be there in around 45 min. I am never late from picking up my daughter. Ever. It breaks my heart just the thought of her being the last one, waiting 12 times at the door if it is her mommy this time..And I have so far managed to keep this promise. But today the planning just went wrong from the beginning.
The nurses in the home hospital didn't know how to fix my husband’s bandage, so we left 45 min. late to the other city's hospital. He was a wreck worrying how he would cope the drive without his "pump" - he had 2 hours time limit to get to the other hospital and attach "the pump" back. Everything was arranged, and the personnel in the other hospital were waiting us. We arrive in the hospital with15 min. lead time. There is no machine, the person in charge has left home, nobody knows what to do. It is 16:45 - I have to leave. I feel terrible leaving him there alone.
17:20 - i am not even outside the city. I see kilometres of red car lights in five lanes in front of me. I try to listen to music, only traffic info on accidents, as if I didn't know. I call the kindergarten and warn I may be late, hopefully there before 6 pm. I ask what time does it close, 18:15. Ok. 17 40 - I see no progress. I call my sister and express (poor her ) all the cursing words I know in three languages in a one long phrase and close the call. 17:55 - the traffic eases and I drive in gear 6. Could it be that I make it to 18:15? I call to the kindergarten to say I just may make it. 18:15 I arrive to the boarders of home city. Enter the tunnel. What is this..No, NO, NOOO!! I hit the home city's evening traffic..
45 min. and 4 phone calls later I arrive to the kindergarten. It is 19:15. The kindergarten has closed one hour ago, even the school is closed. The security is waiting me with looks full of despise. I run to the familiar section, and find my little daughter. She is wearing her shoes and her skiing hat and looks so happy to see me. I promise to bribe the young lady who stayed with her.
We drove home and I explained everything to my girl. She listened and smiled- we were friends again. We ate hot oatmeal and warm milk for supper, giggled in bathroom and went to bed. I called my husband to ask how he was - they had found his "Pump", he was OK. I told him everything was fine, we were safe at home. I closed my eyes thinking: Life under control, no havoc, was it so?
Saturday, 29 October 2011
No Oktober Fest (this year either)
Dearest Friends, many of you know that life has
taken a side turn in my little family compound, and I therefore cannot with
open heart celebrate with you the first year anniversary of my blog. I
will still try to share some positive thoughts since my husband's accident one
month ago.
Many are asking how are we coping? I don't really know. But so far we are. It seems the cliché saying of "extreme situations trigger tremendous energy reserves" can be part of the explanation. I have found within myself military-like organisational skills and many positive things have appeared in our lives:
- We get to enjoy lunch together with my husband on daily bases as I have arranged to work from home. (ok I cook the meal, but it does not diminish the value..)
- We get to spend 1 hour more with my daughter every day as I take her to and from the kindergarten.
- I get my regular sport sessions, as I now know that the only time to do this is in the morning between 6 - 7 am.
- I have discovered the wonders of online grocery shopping with home delivery (why haven't we done this before??)
- I have discovered that washing windows, cars, getting fuel, mowing the lawn, cleaning the front yard all only take 30 min.each max. So no excuse not to do them.
- I have (almost) stopped watching American movies and thanks to this have taken a jump-start in my studies - 10 creadits in one month (!)
Most importantly, I have discovered how many genuinely caring people we are fortuned to have around us. The neighbours who just brought hot soup to us, the colleague who drove my husband from the clinic, the friend who brought the mail to us at home or the other one who came help us bring the tools to garage. And the many others who regularly call us, send messages or come for a visit. It really lightens the days and help my husband to get better. Thank you so much! We love you too :) !
Many are asking how are we coping? I don't really know. But so far we are. It seems the cliché saying of "extreme situations trigger tremendous energy reserves" can be part of the explanation. I have found within myself military-like organisational skills and many positive things have appeared in our lives:
- We get to enjoy lunch together with my husband on daily bases as I have arranged to work from home. (ok I cook the meal, but it does not diminish the value..)
- We get to spend 1 hour more with my daughter every day as I take her to and from the kindergarten.
- I get my regular sport sessions, as I now know that the only time to do this is in the morning between 6 - 7 am.
- I have discovered the wonders of online grocery shopping with home delivery (why haven't we done this before??)
- I have discovered that washing windows, cars, getting fuel, mowing the lawn, cleaning the front yard all only take 30 min.each max. So no excuse not to do them.
- I have (almost) stopped watching American movies and thanks to this have taken a jump-start in my studies - 10 creadits in one month (!)
Most importantly, I have discovered how many genuinely caring people we are fortuned to have around us. The neighbours who just brought hot soup to us, the colleague who drove my husband from the clinic, the friend who brought the mail to us at home or the other one who came help us bring the tools to garage. And the many others who regularly call us, send messages or come for a visit. It really lightens the days and help my husband to get better. Thank you so much! We love you too :) !
Wednesday, 28 September 2011
Conditioning
I could not quite believe my ears, when I caught
my husband talking to our daughter the other day. It went something like this:
"Oh, that's great honey, for a girl, you throw the ball better than most
1st graders!"
'FOR A GIRL?!!"What the heck! I had to bite my tongue for not starting my lection in front of my toddler on Sovinism, Gender conditioning and Self -esteem. But Oh Boy, I can tell you it hurt my soul raised by a league of four super women and brainwashed with the silly belief that girls CAN actually do anything. (Another debate is whether it is always convenient for them to do everything they could ;))
So in the evening I had to say something. I was seriously concerned my husband would repeat a similar lapsus with serious consequences on our daughter's outlook in life and in her positioning in this world. He raised his eye brows in puzzlement challenging me to have a moment of self-reflection myself, starting with an inventory on our daughters wardrobe. He was the one supporting gender conditioning?
Hmph. Okey, there is no denial my daughter's wardrobe and selection of toys are somewhat biased. 97% of clothes are pink, light pink or in purple shades. She has her own little purse, sun glasses and baby trotter. She loves to watch and smile at her-self in the mirror, put cream on her face, brush hair and use hair wax. She's hardly 20 months old!
I tried the DNA hardcoded Gender preference card, but he didn't buy it. Admittedly my husband won this match: we'll go get the racing car he tried to convince me to buy last Saturday. And we both promised to watch ourself in the future.
'FOR A GIRL?!!"What the heck! I had to bite my tongue for not starting my lection in front of my toddler on Sovinism, Gender conditioning and Self -esteem. But Oh Boy, I can tell you it hurt my soul raised by a league of four super women and brainwashed with the silly belief that girls CAN actually do anything. (Another debate is whether it is always convenient for them to do everything they could ;))
So in the evening I had to say something. I was seriously concerned my husband would repeat a similar lapsus with serious consequences on our daughter's outlook in life and in her positioning in this world. He raised his eye brows in puzzlement challenging me to have a moment of self-reflection myself, starting with an inventory on our daughters wardrobe. He was the one supporting gender conditioning?
Hmph. Okey, there is no denial my daughter's wardrobe and selection of toys are somewhat biased. 97% of clothes are pink, light pink or in purple shades. She has her own little purse, sun glasses and baby trotter. She loves to watch and smile at her-self in the mirror, put cream on her face, brush hair and use hair wax. She's hardly 20 months old!
I tried the DNA hardcoded Gender preference card, but he didn't buy it. Admittedly my husband won this match: we'll go get the racing car he tried to convince me to buy last Saturday. And we both promised to watch ourself in the future.
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